All mixed up don't know what to do

04:27 pm - I've got birds in my ears and a devil on my shoulder

( In here )

Current Mood: accomplished

11:17 pm - Do I seem familiar I've crossed you in hallways a thousand times

( More icons )

Current Mood: complacent

10:05 pm - Icons

4 Blake Lewis
1 William Beckett
1 William w/Mike Carden

( Just 6 )

Current Mood: creative

05:43 pm - When someone close to you goes away you forget. We all do.

Current Mood: bitchy

04:44 pm

( This was fun )
That was..interesting....if you want to try and guess who each one was for. Lol. I doubt you will...

Current Mood: sad

12:17 am - He's watching Clockwork dreaming about prep girls....

Tonight I have been nothing short of busy. I went home. Alex called. We talked for a few then I left to go with Natalie to my Grandma's to pick up some furniture for her apartment. Then we went over there with my parents and set it up in their apartment. Shane hates the dresser but she loves. It stays. >)
I'm in a hurry to finish my calender page. *sigh* So tired and I can't find the last two pics....and my printer is out of ink so I can't print them. I think I'm going to cry...

Current Mood: confused

11:22 pm - Why put a new address on the same old lonelines?

( Survey )

Current Mood: groggy

12:28 am - Did you forget everything about me?

My Civics project.
Groups of 6.
I have 5 other girls in my group. They all rock.
Topic- Discrimination in stores based on sex/race and age. =D
We get to take a video camera to Lloyd Center, Washington Square and Pioneer and film ourselves in stores. We get tosee who gets followed around in which stores. Does the punk get followed in Old Navy? Does the preppy get carefully watched in Sam Goody? Do girls get followed more or less than guys? What about based on race? This is going to be fun...
I call our project 'Shopping For Civics'

Current Mood: amused

11:38 pm

I am sitting here. Doing HW. Like a good student. Who just happened to procrastinate for a really really long time.
At least I have all 2nd tommorrow to work on the calender. Ack! It's already due Friday..not good. I'm busy tommorrow. I have to do my civics which is going to take all night.
Today was such a good day. I'm really excited about some stuff. Here's the Dl.
1st was ok. I got a better partner. He at least does some of the work. Not much but more than the other guy who didn't even show up for class. *what a surprise*
3rd was...awesome. Lol. We read Hamlet and I fell asleep.
5th was the greatest. We split into groups and I love my group. We came up with an awesome idea and an awesome project. I'll talk more about it later. I'm off to bed right now. I'll do late work for Hall in 4th. =D I want some sleep. This could be the first night in almost a month that I've gotten to bed before 1 in the morning. *gasp*
3 More Days!!!!!!
Alex, I'm bringing you the Blink 182 cd to put on your computer. :)

Current Mood: blank

12:27 am - Everythings changed except for the way I feel about you ;(

Sometimes things have to change to get better. I pray this is one of those times.
I need a freaking Ipod or something for music. My computers almost full!!!! >( *anger*
4 days until Senses Fail...

Current Mood: confused

06:34 pm - Put your heart on your sleeve it will speak for itself

What's been going on in my life lately that I didn't mention? More like, what's going on in my poor mind? Enter....

( Deep Sleep Dreaming I cannot wake for the fear of silent nights )
Pay no attention to what I have written. I'm in a bit of a mood.

Current Mood: pissed off

02:12 pm - The witch and the parr 4

RED SHOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate men.
I love red shoes.
I love he who shall not be named.
And Sabrian loves Nobody....*sabrina growls*

10:56 pm - Is there a chance for a boy like you to ever want to be with a girl like me?

Amazing as it seems, I have done HW tonight. I did the English project that's due tommorrow. It's really crappy. There is a Ken doll as the monster but there is no Frankenstein. And the monster has a rattail and an earring... But at least I started/attempted it. I WILL PASS THIS DAMN CLASS
I got my printer to work a little better. It doesn't cut as much off...but it still cuts some off. Good thing this is just the rough draft or else I'd be screwed. Lol.
I had to delete a ton of music from my computer so I could put better songs on. Now I'm sad...
I <3 my pajama's...and my Civics class. People are really nice in there even if I am failing the class.
Shut up I get shot down it's all about the know how just a matter of taste...
I really want to see Tunnel Vision again.
My schedule's really busy now. I have so much community service coming up. ARGH!!!! TOO MUCH!!! And when I'm not there, I'm at a show. Or working on my Peer Ed project which is going to take at least 3 weeks to make perfect.
I want my cd burner to work again. This makes me sad...
Check out my cool new icon. Who's in love with it? Hehehe...you'll only get it if you know the song "Sugar We're Going Down." All my friends should know it from the "garbage can." Haha.
Tonight has been productive. I only slept for an hour and I got homework done. I still really need to find time to memorize my lines or else I'm screwed. OOhhh!!! Guess who's gonna try out for the school play? And not get in? Lol. Wish me luck when I do that.

Current Mood: working

06:26 pm

Stress not cool.
My printer ran out of ink. The one page I got printed, it cut off the side of it...

Grades-
Actors Workshop- C+ (b/c I didn't turn in the well scene binder)
Peer Ed- A
English-F (b/c I didn't turn in...well, everything. Plus the essay didn't count on this quarter *spastic cursing*)
Early Modern History- ???? (probably a C)
Civics- ????????????? (uh..no idea...depends on how i did on this last test)
Teachers Aide- Pass!!! (I'm coffee girl!!)

Current Mood: confused

11:01 pm - Wait for me like I've waited for you

I was playing around on the computer and realized that I had Imaging. Thank God. This is going to come in handy for the calender. That's due Friday...shit... Does anyone have a digital camera I can borrow for the next few days? I have to get pictures of students.
I'm so hungry...I have homework...icky...
Report cards come soon. Eh...not too happy about that.
Ok...I am now obssessed with HelloGoodbye..I now have all but, like, 5 of their songs. And they're all demo versions. Lol. Which I will find!!!!

Current Mood: pensive

05:15 pm

THE FiRST TEN LiES THEY TELL Y0U iN HiGH SCH00L
1. We are here to help you.
2. You will have enough time to get you to your class before the bell rings.
3. The dress code will be enforced.
4. no smoking is allowed on school grounds.
5. Our football team will win the championship this year.
6. We expect more of you here.
7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen.
8. Your schedule was created with your needs in mind.
9. Your locker combination is private.
10. These will be the years you will look back on fondly.

Liars...

Current Mood: crappy

12:13 am - Each broken heart will eventually mend

Sabrina called me from the Jason Mraz concert so I could hear Plane. I remember being at the park screaming that song at the top of my lungs on the swings just a few blocks past someone's house. That was fun. Good times.

Current Mood: hungry

05:39 pm - It's alright to make mistakes you're only human. Inside everybody's hiding something.

Rented Charlie And The Chocolate Factory tonight. Got the last copy which had just come in a few minutes before. >)
I love how my bad moods just evaporate into an abyss when I read something from my friends. =D They make me so happy. I got on Myspace to read my comments and I saw the new one and just laughed. Mainly b/c that was such a great day and remembering it made me happy.
As of now, I'm in between. I'm incredibly happy b/c I bought TAI ticket today.
Sad b/c I now have exactly $0.00 left...it sucked EVERYTHING!!! *cries* Now I'm doing work so I can get to FFTL on the 11th...Haha...
I'm really tired and I want it to be next week. At this time, I'll be waiting at the Roseland!!! =) SENSES FAIL!!! HELL YEAH!!!! *listens to Buried A Lie for the 19,000th time this week*
Right now I'm making a Christmas mix. Downloading awesome rock songs that I'll make my family listen to instead of the horrid crap the radio's been playing. I CAN ONLY LISTEN TO THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY SO MANY TIMES IN 2 HOURS!!!!! And 4 times is WAY to many!!!!!!!

Current Mood: hyper

10:09 pm - Never thought I would find a love so sweet

I remember why I stopped writing...I kind of sucked. Majorly. :(

*sadness*

Whatever. I still have the guitar. Which I need to start working on... alot. It has to be tuned first off. Then I have to learn the chords anc crap. Lol. This is me just starting out...I will do this though. I'll prove my dad wrong.

Current Mood: restless

09:06 pm - I don’t think I can lie to myself anymore

I Love HIM!!!!
Thank God for fallbacks that make you happy!!!

Current Mood: chipper

08:44 pm - Slice open my veins and let the romance bleed away

I got really depressed tonight. About him. When is it not? So I did the only thing that actually took my mind off of him. I grabbed Jesse's guitar, took it to my room and just started wailing on that thing. I pretty much killed my pick and I just started singing this random lyrics that I made up. Thankfully, no one could hear me...But it just makes me want a guitar of my own so much more than I already did before. So...Jesse's not getting his guitar back until I get one of my own! Or until he steals it back...
My parents are being really mean tonight. My dad exclaimed that to play guitar you have to have talent and then he laughed at me for trying to play it. I HATE HIM!!
Tonight consisted of guitar, reading, Dick Van Dyke and cleaning my room...
I'm going to write something. I haven't in so long. I miss it.

Current Mood: pissed off

02:11 pm

( Falling In Love )

It's depressing when the highlight of your day is listening to American Hi-Fi...

Current Mood: bored

11:07 pm - I've been down this road before and I don't need to go there again

I just slammed my head onto the ceiling running upstairs. *pain*
Tonight I got to pretend. I got to go back in time. To Sabrina's class. To the stairs. To the Abe Awards. To Little Shop Of Horrors. I got to go back in time. To when the foyer was packed. Before the summer. Before the pain. I got to go back. I want nothing more than to go back.
How many more tears will I shed for him before I stop doing this to myself?
You can tell me he's not worth it. That he's changed. That he's an arrogant bastard. That he smokes pot and drinks and all this other bad stuff. You can tell me I never had a chance and that I still don't. You can tell me he's bad. That I should hate him. That I should never look at him again. You can tell me he's mean. He's an ass. He has no respect for anyone. I don't listen I CAN'T listen...

Always remember..no matter what...

The best part of believe is the lie...


I wish life was a black and white movie
so I wouldn't have to fall for the color of your lying eyes.

Current Mood: Crying

05:29 pm - Forget this life come with me don't look back we're safe now

I'm so fucking sick of this shit. I need to get out. Permanantly. 3 times in less than a week. It's kind of funny in a way.

And it doesn't help that I can't even listen to Note To Self without half breaking down again. When did I revert back to September?

I miss him..I want to be in 2nd right now.

( Lyrics" )

Current Mood: angry

10:27 pm - We're the playing the game we got to let it go

To Sabrina And Alex.
( Read This Guys )

Current Mood: Justified =D

09:11 pm - It's taken everything in me to forget your sweater so far <3

I survived today. Sure, I fell asleep duing 4th and almost during 1st and 2nd I didn't even move my body once. You'd think I would be able to speak in that class. The only thing I could get up the energy to say all period was "I'm drinking it for the caffine." I had a liter coke and Brianna mentioned how they make it out of the Willamette River water, which I don't really believe, and how it was so gross tasting. Then he said, "No it's good" and I got all happy, for like 5 minutes. Then reverted back to my lazy state.
I think I have a possibility of passing the Civics test...but I doubt I did. I got some of the questions right for sure. Mainly the first part about electorial votes and seneters. Then we got to the part about the three branches and I bombed out.
I slept for 1.5 hours when I got home but I don't feel at all refreshed. If anything I feel more tired but not tired enough to go to sleep. Lol.
I got my Saves The Day ticket today so I'm really happy. I can't wait for that show. Senses Fail is gonna kick ass. I saw them at Warped but it was really far away b/c I was in a line the whole time so I could barely hear the music. But, if I counted right, 9 of my friends are going to this show. =D And for The Academy Is..., about the same amount are going.

The Spill Canvas=<3 All Hail The Heartbreaker!!!
*Tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures and over analyze your words. The truth is I've never fall so hard. It's taken everything in me to forget your sweater so far. I can honestly say I've never ever felt this way* <3 <3 <3

Current Mood: drained

01:22 am - Just wake me when it's over

I'm running a full 19 hours on 3 hours sleep. =(
Someone's going to be grumpy tommorrow. Still have to do mini-report, 2 more essays, english questions and finish up these last few questions before I can go to sleep.
At least now I'm somewhat hyped on caffine. =D

Current Mood: determined

11:48 pm - All I can taste is champagne when it hits the brain like cocaine

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!
The past three weeks in a nutshell:
Wake up at 6:45.
Go to school til 2:30.
Ride bus home and get home at 4:00.
Eat something.
End up falling asleep at 5:00-7 or 8.
Do homework til 2.
Take shower and get ready for bed.
Fall asleep at 3:30.
Repeat until you kill yourself.

I thought Senior year would be easy. But between Civics, English and Actors Workshop, I can't keep up and I feel exhausted all the time. Tommorrow's the end of the quarter and I still have 3 essays to write.

I'm sitting here right now. Drinking a full liter of caffineated Coke so I can get somewhat of a buzz to wake me up for even just 20 minutes at the most. Maybe then I can focus on my homework.
But I'm so tired. I fell asleep at the computer while working and my mom woke me up and told me to go to bed but I can't...I have to finish this! If I don't...I fail Civics...speaking of...I still have that test looming over my head...

I need a break from this. But it doesn't look like I'm going to get much of one anytime soon. I still have a ton of stuff to do this weekend and after that I have to volunteer so even more fo my "free" time will be gone.

So..tired...

Current Mood: sleepy

06:43 pm - Dear my love....haven't you longed to be free? I can't keep pretending that I don't know you

*spazzes* I got my TAI photos developed!! My mom got the role with my Homecoming pics on them and she didn't know what else was on the role. Turns out it was from the last show I'd gone to with Ary and Carrie!!! So i finally got my pics of William. Mmm....LUV THEM!!!!!
In one pic he's like, laughing really hard and the bassist from Over It is holding his waist. It's really funny. And in the pic of me and him, I'm like half smiling (but not really) and he looks high. Lol. And he's kind of glaring at the camera. I love his pics. They always turn out so wierd. Must bring them for Alex.
I've been assigned "Thing to do instead" as my calender page in Peer Ed. I like that cuz it was my first choice and Brianna gave me some cool ideas about what I could do and I'm going to add them into what I already have.
I got a Fresconti during 3rd and it sort of woke me up. A little bit anyways.
In 4th, I recieved a nickname. I am now Licky and Sabrina is Nibbles. (Don't ask.) I'm beginning to find entertainment in that class now. But if my desk ges kicked one more time and shoved from back I'm going to MURDER the guy that sits behind me.
I have a test tommorrow in Civics. Prepare to fail. =D
I keep falling asleep. I've been really tired lately. It looks as though I'm not going to get anymore than 2 or at the most 3 hours of sleep tonight b/c I have so much freaking homework to dig through. I don't even know where to start with it. *cries* It's giving me a really bad headache, which just makes me not be able to focus...*sigh*
I had more to say...but I forgot it all.
Just remember to remember it can still be just as fun as yesterday.

Current Mood: exhausted

05:33 pm - I'm walking away from the pain

You'd think I would have seen that it would turn out like this.
Alway going back to him.
Forgive me.
I'm sorry.
I just need him.

Current Mood: confused

02:41 pm

I'm gonna graduate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: cheerful

11:55 pm - you've cleaned up found jesus things are going oh so well now

I FINISHED THE ESSAY!!!!
I think Harlan's gonna have a heart attack. That is if she beats Sabrina and Alex to it! SO freaking happy now. No more worries about that now.

Current Mood: giddy

06:17 pm - It's the way that he makes you fall in love

( Surveys )

Current Mood: determined

05:51 pm - This is my heart bleeding on the floor for you

Shopping. No money. Wanted CDs. The Killers. Radio guessing. Library. Christmas. Goo Goo Dolls. Boys. Job applications. Yelling. Fred Meyers. Health. Nothing. Taco Bell.

The above was my life today. As for the rest of the night-
Homework. English Paper. Music. Sleep. Life. Love. Happiness. AIM.

Current Mood: energetic

01:16 am - Is anybody listening? Can you hear me when I call?

I just got back a few minutes ago from my Grandma's dinner. I was so freaking bored there. I ended up watching "I love the 80's" half the night. Sadly, I learned stuff from it. Like, you can't scramble an egg in the microwave and "I just died in your arms" was a song about an orgasim...the things you learn from VH1...
I'm getting really sick of all this "family" crap. My grandma didn't listen to a thing I said then she'd suddenly realize I was talking and be like "what" and during the game would skip over me like I wasn't even there. So I spoke a little louder so she'd hear me and she yelled at me not to yell and that I was too loud and she could hear me fine...
My dad was in a bad mood the whole day so that wasn't too much fun.
I got a job application for The Old Spaghetti Factory and then while filling it out realized that I don't actually have any TIME for a job...except the weekends which I'm not to into giving up...this causes an issue for me that I have to work out...
Tommorrow is yet another day of pure homework. I'm beginning to hate this year...a lot...

Current Mood: okay

03:58 pm - Mama please stop crying I can't stand the sound

Another day. Another screaming match. I should be used to it by now but I hate it. Today was apparently one of the worst ones ever and he left for a few hours but he just came back, still pissed. I slept through this one though. Thank God. Maybe that was the loud noises in my dreams this morning. Them. Yelling. I hate it. I need to get away. Instead I'm stuck with them all night with my Grandma yelling at me about graduating and possibly my uncle and his bitchy girlfriend and her two annoying spoiled kids who I already don't like.

Life....what is it becoming?

Current Mood: cold

12:07 am - Will you recognize me and call my name? The rain keeps falling down

Today was funny in 5th. I realized that I actually learned some stuff this week.
This one kid made me laugh. Bailey was talking about Lent and how you have to give up something and then he asked how long you had to give it up for. One kid raised his hand and said "40 days and 40 nights." Bailey cackled and went "That was Noah's Ark." Then this kid insisted that it was 40 days and 40 nights b/c that's how long Josh Hartnett went in the movie of the same name. I got to have a laughing fit in class. It was fun.

Current Mood: exhausted

10:13 pm - Burning up in these mysteries

I ate way too much tonight. Sadly, I never got to recreate the odd concoction I did with Alex's cousin's friend.
I still miss all my friends right now. *sigh*
I'm thinking of making this a "friends-only" LJ...

Who am I turning into? This morning I took a quick shower so I could put on makeup for the next 10 minutes. Then I put bobby pins in my hair. And I actually CARE about what I'm wearing and if it matches or not. And thes saddest part is that I could come to school with a bright yellow sweater, plaid pants, a bra outside of my sweater, 1 shoe and mismatched socks and he STILL wouldn't notice me...

Current Mood: confused

06:05 pm - Where do we go from here? When does the end appear?

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) at what people remember about you.

I was mocked today during 6th. By Austin. Asshole.
I hate that I love him. I love that I hate him.

My whole family's going out to dinner tonight. *oh joy* My parents, Jesse and Chelsea, Grandparents *groan* and great aunt and uncle (who just had a stroke so he can't talk very well) I really don't care to go. Too bad I'm starving and need food. If I wasn't I wouldn't go.

Somehow, knowing my friends are having trouble too makes me feel better b/c I know I'm not the only person going through crap and together we can help ourselves.

Current Mood: drained

02:46 pm - Even the losers get lucky sometimes

Today has been rather good compared to the past few days. =D Even though Alex hasn't been here I've had a ton of fun with Sabrina.
Advisory was great. We watched Seinfeld!!!!
I was really late to third with Sabrina b/c we went to Boyds with Ben. So the teacher gave us a look and was like "girls..." but then I tuned her out.
Tommorrow is my day with Grandma. So not looking foward to that.
G2g.

Current Mood: blank

11:06 pm - I do the same thing I get lonely too

I got my email to work!! *cheers* I'm so freaking happy. I had 35 emails to read. EEK!! Too many.
Currently redecorating Myspace b/c I'm a bit bored. Then I'm going to bed. Tommorrow I'll make a background for LJ. =D

Current Mood: lazy

07:48 pm

( Surveys MORE!!! )

Current Mood: blah

06:17 pm - What's with these homies dissing my girl?

I. HATE. MY. DAD.

Current Mood: angry

04:08 pm - Happy to depressed to sleepy to estatic!

Today started off great. I had a field trip with my Peer Ed class and that was really fun! We got tons of candy and crap.
Then shit happened. I had to miss my free period for a doctors appointment, my computer won't let me check ANY yahoo sites (still no email checking for me)and I kept falling asleep at the doctors and because I didn't answer my mom's question (b/c I was half asleep) she yelled at me for being in a bad mood. Which I wasn't. Plus, there's no water in the house and I ate too much food at Subway today. Also, since HH was canceled, I have nothing to do tonight.
But then good things happened again. I found Phil's myspace so that made me happy. I was able to get back into LJ, as you can clearly see and two of my friends offered me up their house b/c they know I'm not having too good of a time right now. What would I do without them?
My poor Alex is sick today. Get better girl!!! Lippy misses you!!!

Current Mood: giggly

05:23 pm - I wanna hold you til I feel you move inside of me

( Yes, another one )

Current Mood: frustrated

04:39 pm - That's it. I'm done writing you love songs!

( Surveyness )

Current Mood: lazy

06:33 pm - Even when youe hope is gone move along

I've screwed up. Again.
The end.

Current Mood: crushed

06:14 pm - You know why guys like you knock everything? It's cause you're afraid.

I've been really tired lately. Not just today but the last couple of weeks. And today I literally couldn't get out of my bed. I felt like crap. I just wanted to sleep for the entire day. Which I pretty much did, yet I'm still really tired.
I have too much candy and oddly, no real desire to eait it right now. I more along the lines want money and some more movies to watch. Not candy...
Alex is at the Stones show right now so she's not home and Bree's at meeting in a bit so there's no one to talk to.
I have so much homework to do tonight. My parents went to go get me those horrible movies that I don't want to watch. FUCK!! I don't have any desire to do it. No one does I guess. But I don't even want to watch the movies. They're so pointless and I honestly don't care if I pass this class or not. I'd rather take it in summer school. I get A's there...at Lincoln I'm just a failure.
I have to talk to my counseler about graduating on time, what I can do to get the last few credits. I also have to do 4 essays, answer 10 horrible and confusing questions, study for a civics test, do a mini-report, memorize lines, read two packets that are boring as hell, and make some fast money. I also have to fit in dinner at my grandma's saturday, find time for my friends and buy tickets to Saves The Day with the money I don't have.
The only good thing is that I'm leaving. I found a possible place to go after school. I can finally leave this hell and go with my friends.

Current Mood: stressed

03:49 pm - My life has been made!!!

All American Rejects with Rooney AND The Academy Is....
AT THE ROSELAND!!! Dec. 8th! I am doing cartwheels. Now I just need to make some quick cash and run out and buy the ticket!

Current Mood: excited

10:43 pm - There's nothing left for me to give

Good:
Lots of candy from Bethany Crest and Forest Heights w/Alex
Having fun as a clown at school
I just found a place I can crash at after I move out this summer!!! So happy about that!

Bad:
Not being able to pee all day b/c of costume
John (Bayside drummer) killed in Car accident
Embaressed in front of Red Shoes b/c of my horrible costume
Crush sick so not in school
I can forsee the future and it is stomach ache from too much candy...
Horrible 5 page essay due tommorrow through email...blech

Oddly enough..it was still a good day.

Current Mood: tired